Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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