I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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