He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize