they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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