Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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