For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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