Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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