I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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