No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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