I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize