You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
