Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
as a side note pls kill me
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