This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
