there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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