Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
well you can't waste a boner
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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