Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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