there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
