I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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