even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
