so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I need a burrito and a hug.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
