Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Someone shit on the floor
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
