I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
