o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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