My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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