The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize