I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize