I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
