So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You're like the curious george of whores
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
