Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
