You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
