My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
