Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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