You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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