I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
