I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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