i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
