I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
