Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
