if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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