we have officially lost it.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
