He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
