I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
