You're my little dorito
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
