My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
