My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
