Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
