The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
