piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
