My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
