So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
