2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
