omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
