He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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