I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize