because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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