how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
