I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
