What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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