You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
