Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
