Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize