i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's rum buckets o'clock
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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