Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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