you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
