my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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