a queef is a wish your heart makes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
