Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize