Cold hands, warm shart.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
