I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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