i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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