FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
