You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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