I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
