i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
