I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
