Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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