are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
