Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
