i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
