theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
