That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
