Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
