Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
