You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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