i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
should my penis look like a turkey
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it's like heaven, but drunker
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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