fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Mom said you looked used
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
