you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize