thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
