If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just gargled with NyQuil
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
