11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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