I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
