whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize