im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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