none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize