I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Drake has all the answers
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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