His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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