dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
