I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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