ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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