I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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