the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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