My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I need to align my fucking chakras
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
