She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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