Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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