piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
