I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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