allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
