check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
