So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No subtext here. People are naked.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
