nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How external is "for external use only"?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
