How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
