My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
