he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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